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Dec. 27th, 2008


Well I have made some changes AGAIN
and I am closing this  journal down. Its too much work
If you would like to read my journal then please visit



Dec. 25th, 2008

(no subject)

Merry Christmas!

Dec. 18th, 2008

(no subject)

Did I happen to mention how much i hate working in the shop? And how much I hate the Christmas rush?


Dec. 8th, 2008


I  dont normally post this kind of stuff but they made me laugh here are a few. and for those that read the private journal there is a post there on sex..:)

Dec. 7th, 2008


I was reading morningstar this morning, its one of two journals I read and followed her entry over to the ever infamous kaya, then over to kitten in chains and then over to doubleknots ruminations. Now I am irritated and going to post my thoughts.

Everyone seems to be focusing on how we have this **illusion** how we pretend its not real how the community *duped* us into believing about total enslavement and my blood boiled. These are adults and as adults you should know better. Anyone truly aware of what BDSM and MS is will tell you to avoid story of O to avoid Sleeping Beauty, to avoid fetlife and the blogs, to avoid all the fantasy and hoopla, for its just that...fantasy. I'm Sorry kaya is struggling but their reality was for her to be a *cunt in a cage* anyone with any common sense knows that is not possible. Not humanly possible. Human being the main word here. She would post how he came before her kids, again not possible, how MS was first and foremost, again not possible.

Reality has to come first. No illusions, no cunt in a cage, not total enslavement..but reality. To say this to people that believe in that would result in them getting angry. Upset. Its their illusion right? How dare someone tell them its not possible to be beat everyday that your body just cannot physically take it. How dare we tell them they risk being arrested for prostitution, their Master ordered them to do and no law enforcement officer is going to crash in on that fantasy! How dare we tell them how dangerous it is for their Master to break a rib, it was his choice. These are all real events, all stated by different slaves, and unfortunately none of these relationships exist today. They were fantasies lives and the fantasy came crashing down on them. (i wrote about the prostitute one a few months back in this journal I think it was titled stupid should hurt)

Now I can understand coming crashing down from ones fantasy, I really can, but I cannot understand how they can in the same breath blame the community, the groups, the bloggers, the fantasy, for their failure. Its written how *we* write the fantasy and debates and do not show a crack in the facade. And I think that's wrong, the community is not a fault for their troubles, the community is not at fault for their years of happiness. THEY ARE. So do Master and I give credit to the community for our continued success in our MS relationship? Of course we don't we work hard at it and if per chance it fails, it will be OUR fault. Not anything one reads or any debate one partakes in. You are responsible for your relationship. For your success and your failure. To blame it on being duped by the community is still living in a fantasy.

I think the biggest mistake people make in bdsm today is reading and participating in all those journals and sites. In caring what others think, in trying to be a better slave then susy q over on beatmejournal.com (whom your not even sure is real), in believing in an online community, in blogs, and not believing in the relationship that you and your partner have, need and can succeed at. I wrote on this also a year or so back in the private journal. How so many in bdsm try to top what other slaves/Masters are doing and think about it, these journals these debates are what maybe 20 mins. of writing out of someones lives, what about the other 23 hours a day. That is the REALITY of their lives. Not a 20 mins. post on how they spent their day being fucked..

As for kaya, my heart breaks, we do not get along (read above) but I hate to see any relationship ends. I think the best thing her and her Master and other people that are struggling, could do is shut the computer off. Is shut down the blog, to hell with her readers and trying to keep them happy, that's part of the fantasy. They need to shut it down, leave the groups, and find their own reality in the world of BDSM and when they have found it, (not if but when for I do believe if they work at it they can find it again) then and only then should the blogs be re-opened. And even then, very selective. It is so easy to get sucked into the fantasy of online, to believe that susyq lives as a total slave. But its not real. Shut the computer off and make your own reality.

Leave online, the community, the fantasy, to those that just want a weekend ride.

Dec. 6th, 2008


There is a post in the private journal about expectations you can email me if you want the password. But I took a snippet to post here.

As a footnote I was talking to Leeann yet again this morning, and I begged Master for a THIRD cup of coffee, I have been allowed only TWO cups for years! Master said YES! I got a third cup! The little things, the not expecting, and then getting, brings a smile. That third cup of coffee, to most means nothing, you can go get a third cup or fourth cup, to me, made me smile ear to ear.

*sips* her third cup of coffee and grins.

Dec. 5th, 2008

(no subject)

The Visit/Pictures/This and That

I figure a post on the visit with mom and dad would be nice..:)

Mom and I don't get along that well, ok wait that's a lie. Mom gets on my nerves but I tolerate it . I think lol

My mom is difficult to get along with. And I know this and well I just accept it. And that was how this visit went basically. Its hard to explain, mom likes attention, drama, lies...alot to get the attention and can often be rude harsh and cruel in the words she says.

But, me being me I just smile lots and nod lots LOL

Anyways beside that the visit was just ok, I was near then end of my UTI and two days after they arrived my damn back went OUT I mean bring me to tears I cant walk kinda out. It hasn't done that in over two years. Today it is still sore and a little off I don't bend that's for sure.

But what was really interesting was moms comment on us. Master and I.

Basically on the connection we have between each other. How He knows what I need and I know what He needs and no words pass between us. She said it was unusual to see two people so in tune to each other. We smiled this knowing smile between us and went on with our day. It was weird though having mom comment on these things.


Aww life though..:)

Ok so here are a couple of pictures thought you might enjoy.

Bella my dog, for whatever reason she seems to enjoy watching the fish tank. I finally got a good picture of her doing just that.

Last year I cried the entire holiday. I wasn't ready to give up my daughter. For 20 years she helped put up the tree and decorate the house and make ginger bread men ect and last year..she was married and on her own. Well we decided, since soon it would be just Master and I, to start making our own traditions. And this year we made this ginger bread tree! Now how cool is that! It was fun tooo..:) and this year..i haven cried once.



I haven't really been online in over a month and being the end of the year its time to start cleaning up the sites. I started with the Toplist. Going through it making sure the sites are not dead links, checking them to ensure they are not banner or link farms ect ect. I removed over 20 sites last night! But I think what disturbed me the most was the number of bloggers that are having issues. The amount of drama that happens in the lives of others is just fucking amazing. I think sheesh don't you have *real* issues to tend to instead of this drama shit! I dunno I guess we are just mellow people. We rarely get upset about anything, no yelling and screaming, no fighting we just work things through. No stomping my feet ect. But over and over last night as I was going through the toplist it seems that is all the couples where doing. Fighting, splitting, yelling, screaming, crying. I wonder if it is the stress from the time of year?? and then to boot they just want to throw in the towel. End the relationship, done over with.

I dunno, maybe I expect honesty in the journal. You know if Master and I are struggling the journal is going to hear about it. Its my place to vent. But these journals all seem well three days ago they were fucking and sucking and cuffs and canes and now..they are over with. And it makes me think about society in general and how we are quitters. When things get tough..quit.

That's the mentality. We have it so easy, that as soon as we have any type of obstacles, then the world has ended, life is over and we quit.

I wonder what these people would do if something happened in which quitting might death? In which quitting meant letting a disease win and ravage your body.

I feel sorry for these people I really do. they were just beginning their lives as a D/s couple and now they proclaim its over. What a waste

Along with the quitters of relationship I ended like 21 links. For they too quit. Closed down their journals and poof gone. You wonder what happened to them ya know. Are they dead? Was it a game? Did it end? Instead you click on their link and its an error..gone.

I think even when i stop journally at like 90 years of age I will say ..that's it.. it's over.

But here is my story for you to read.

Dec. 2nd, 2008

Holy crap its been a mont!!!

Holy crap its been a month!!! 

In seven years of keeping a journal I have never gone an entire month without posting! Holy crap! 

We are still alive.

We are still fucking and sucking.

We are still an intense BDSm couple

No we are not fighting, no I am not ill. No sorry, no drama, save that for the other bloggers. 

We have been busy , busy as all hell.

This recession has made us work hard for every dollar we earn. We work harder longer hours and get paid less. 

On top of that I redid www.bdsmgear.com go ahead take a peek it is VERY nice! 

and then I got sick.

A nasty UTI like usual. 

Speaking of UTI's a few weeks back I read where a Master PURPOSELY caused the slave a UTI. It pleased Him.  I spoke to Master about it, a few friends and we all came to the same consensus, the master that purposely caused a UTI is an asshole. 

See we all take chances in this lifestyle we all play the risk, we are all risk aware and we all can get injured in what we do. That's part of the lifestyle. But to PURPOSELY cause a UTI is like saying..well I'm going to PURPOSELY break a rib because I like the pain it gives you.  The slave was not in the wrong, we as slaves have no rights, I gave them up to Master. The so called master was in the wrong. Just because he has the RIGHT and the ability to injured his slave doesn't mean its morally right. Along with that whenever you play with another's health ON PURPOSE, then you are increasing the risk of other infections/injuries.  UTI's can easily become kidney infections. If that happened is the Master still in control??? Why would a Master want to take that kind of risk with his property ? Does he not value it? We take enough risk in this lifestyle as it is, without purposely causing an injury or illness. A UTI is an illness. Its not something you just decide to do to your partner today because it gets your rocks off. 

Anyways so  I was under stress to finish that site and mom and dad arrived on Nov 13 and well I ended up sick..with a nasty UTI.  By the time the UTI cleared up mom and dad where here..and I was unable to post. It was a nice visit, I'm a little worried about mom but that's another post.  And I'm also glad they are gone. 

They left today!


Cept I started my period..boooooooo!

Do you know how difficult and weird it is to have sex QUIET VANILLA SEX with your parents in the same house?? Too weird. We managed some vanilla sex this past month but not much and now well Master doesn't like the mess so we wait a little longer.

One good thing though our son found a JOB! In welding hurray! So He is now gone again everyday for 10 or so hours and we are along finally! Lets just hope with this economy and recession that he doesn't get laid off. Please say a little prayer for him! 

Business is slow, I guess its relative correct. For us a slow month in 10,000 for others that good. We are fortunate we have no debt so our business will be fine, we just work a little harder and cut back some more. For others well,  its not so good. Business and home foreclosure in Florida is at a record high.  I hope this recession doesn't last much longer. 

Sheesh  I have sooooooooo much to say! 

Guess most importantly is

Master I love You and miss You and I am glad mom and dad are gone and our son is working and we are ALONE!

Sep. 30th, 2008



I have a few pictures to share.

As many know we have been clearing our yard so we can have a bigger yard. But sometimes this presents a problem especially for the wildlife. In particular our hawk. His perch was always the fence, but the fence is no more. So M went out and made me a perch for the hawk. This is what we now see when we look out the window....

Yes that is a real hawk and yes that sign does say "Hawk Parking" He thinks He royalty now...:)

and now onto our stupid fish...:)

See we have an open brain coral, they are more aggressive and they eat...fish. Yes we feed him fish.

This is our brain....Pinky

See that fish sitting in it??? Can we say..DINNER TIME??? That fish is a clown fish (like Nemo) His name is Moe, now Moe is suppose to host in a anemone aka Curly, our anemone, and Moe does. But recently Moe has taken a liking to Pinky..our brain. I worry that one day..Pinky is going to have had enough of Moe and Moe will become Moe Mash. Below is a different view of Moe hiding in Pinky the Brain.

The Next two pictures are Mushroom Corals the first taken under the moon light the second taken under daylights. This coral is beautiful and has become one of my favorites. It engulfs an entire rock. And now has about 6 offspring's hiding under it and around it.

And here is Scallop, our red scallop. He has gotten HUGE and He has nestled himself into a corner occassionally He comes out to say hello and remind us he is still there.

And last but not least our Starfish. Showing off on the backwall of the tank. See all those little white spots??? They are babies..do you want some???????? Beside the starfish is our leather coral.

So a few pictures to view of things growing in our home.

Be well

Sep. 23rd, 2008


That about sums up my weekend. Until today...exhausted.

Saturday we spent the entire day until 10 PM at the daughters new home. Me cleaning, M laying new floors installing sinks, electrical doors ect. Its still not done and they move in next week. We go back there tomorrow hopefully for the last time.

And Sunday was injection days so I always feel crappy. Sunday night Marty came over for the night, she is opening up an online store YAH for her. So we took her to our wholesale supplier and helped her make some choices. I hope she does well. I think she will.

So monday we go to Websters and do our running around, we have to get up at the god awful time of FIVE THIRTY in the morning. Well let me tell you, I sure as hell don't do 5:30 days any more.  We did our running and had some breakfast and made it back home by about noonish. I then gave marty a crash course in online basic and off she went with my phone number in hand.

All done? Right.....

Wrong..M has been in a mood, and we are alone.....

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